Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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