non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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