im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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