I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
