he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
