New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
