He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
