I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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