I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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