yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He shit in the fireplace
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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