Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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