Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
