the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
