i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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