I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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