Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
