Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
