i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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