i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have fence marks all over my body
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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