Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
