I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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