Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
