I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
