I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
