Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
