I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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