my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize