Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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