I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
