so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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