the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
