I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
