Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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