I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
