i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
