if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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