She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
