Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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