I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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