What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
