ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
