Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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