where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
