When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
