Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You may now shotgun with the bride
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
