I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
