Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Bring me that man meat
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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