Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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