I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
