I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
