I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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