Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
