Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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