He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
is it fun? or sober?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
