After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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