remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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