I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
His hands were made for my vagina.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
