I bet he comes in French.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize