if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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