I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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