You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
