there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
