Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
