: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
