ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
