i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
