she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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