but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
