After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
