I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
