I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
