they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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