He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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