I puked a lego.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
