I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
